Hate to do it, but it feels so good.

Well, it doesn't feel *that* good, but it's pretty damn funny.

Some of you might have noticed that near my profile I mention something about Internet Stalkers. You may have laughed, completely dismissed it, or been offended thinking it was directed at you.

For many of you, I cannot attest to whether or not it was directed at you. If you stumbled across this site on accident, probably not, but really, use some common sense here people. If I know you and *choose* to hang out with you in rl, again, you're pretty safe.

If however, you fall into a grey area somewhere between the hanging out and the desperately-seeking-susan lot, consider yourself a maybe.

This week marks the first time I have ever gotten an email specifically due to something on this blog. My ego-side, naturally the larger part of my being, was completely excited. The rest of me felt many things: sympathy, regret, and well, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I laughed. Outloud.

Not because I'm mean (okay, maybe a little) or insensitive (again, and probably more than a little) but because the person who was so upset about it had only barely been tossed about in my head as a possible candidate for stalker-dom.

Regrettably this person didn't believe me, I don't think, but that's hardly the point here.

Point is more, if you noticed that little blurb, feel good about the fact I consider you my stalker (supposing you fall into the grey area) because not all stalkers are bad.

I flirt with my husband every single day.

Will trade one great pyrenees for two yard goats

Seriously.

This is probably how my father opened negotiations with the goat breeder when he decided that he had stupidly purchased a dog too unruly to control. Bonnie is a sweetheart, but Pappy has not spent the required amount of time to train her and when the dog weighed more than my decrepit old mom, he decided to get rid of her.

He's getting weirder in old age because I clearly remember a number of fights that occurred on account of him bringing home stray dogs he spotted while out on bike rides with me.

So, he says to goat breeder, "Hi. Would you like to try my dog out as a goat shepherd? I'm sure she'll be good at it with her vast experience passed down from her forefathers. How about if you like her, and she does a good job, you give me two goats so I don't have to maintain my lawn?"

Goat guy: Okay, sure.


A week or so passes (I'm not really sure because nobody told me this story until well after this moment) and they get a phone call from a vet in a nearby town. Vet was told that someone else owns the dog, but my parents tags are still on her. He wants to know if they have given her away or sold her to anyone?

Well, no, they didn't.

But goat guy did and then he split town so my parents have no dog, no goats, and are out the $400 that goat guy sold their dog for.

What do they do?

Nothing. They think the dog is probably better off and don't really care about the goats anyway.

Old people are certainly strange.

M. Night Shayamalan's Wet Lady

Given the reviews and material, I'm doubtful a ton of you have raced off to see M. Night's newest film, Lady in the Water. I, however, was really excited to see it since I've been waiting since "The Village" for him to make something new.

Generally speaking I think his films are marketed horribly and thus ill received by critics and public alike. This film though, this film he wrote, directed, *and* produced.

Oh yeah, and starred in.

I read some scatching reviews on this film with such hurtful words I winced for the hero-director. I couldn't actually bring myself to read some of them because they were so terrible.

"For a movie constantly explaining itself, M. Night Shyamalan's Lady in the Water doesn't make a drop of sense."
-- Jeffrey Westhoff, NORTHWEST HERALD (CRYSTAL LAKE, IL)

"When it's over you think: 'Really? That was it?' Maybe that's the twist."
-- Eric D. Snider, ERICDSNIDER.COM

"Shyamalan's most alienating and self-absorbed project to date."
-- Lisa Schwarzbaum, ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY

And those are not even some of the worst ones. The saddest part is that I really wanted to like this film, and I ended up agreeing with all three of those critics.

Seeing him act in his own films, while a little jarring since it removes me even further from the story is forgivable since he's a decent enough actor. What really bothered me was the purpose of his character -- he who shall propel the human race to peace and prosperity through his writings. It kind of made me gag on my tongue a little bit.

The rest of it just made me feel insulted. Do you really think I'm so dumb that I need to you to beat me over the head with every minute detail? And if not, do you really think I want to pay my hard earned money to watch you explain away everything in your film? No.

Deconstructing the film could be an interesting excercise, his use of a fairytale to compose a narrative that is designed to make you feel like you are watching that deconstruction just seems pointless. Except in some bizarre world where self-absorbtion and self-reflection are things people want to see.

Maybe some do.

The saddest part is I love M. Night Shayamalan's work. I love his originality, innovation, and ethereal mystique.

I won't be waiting for the next one and I'm sorely disappointed by that.

Proof that syrup is good on everything

I dipped my potstickers in it last night. Mmmmm.

Many of you remember Columbus the Silverfish

and if you don't, you can read this
real quick to bring yourself up to the level of the rest of my readers.

A few things here.

What many of you don't know is that I am not the one who murdered the poor glue-eating Silverfish, rather Nick did it. Because he didn't mean to do it, I never ratted him out.

But here's the thing -- he assured me at the time of Silverfish-death, that Columbus would dry out and shrivel up and fall to the bottom of my picture within four months.

Well, it's been over a year now, and Columbus has not shriveled up because apparently Silverfish are not made up of as much water as Nick thought. Instead, there is a grease smudge where Nick capped the sucker, and the dumb bug is still *in* the fricking print and will probably never go away.

Now we have a dead Silverfish and a smudgy picture all in one fantastic display of art.

Snowcrash

is an excellent read. Stylistically it can be a bit jarring, I suppose, but once you get past that (or into it) it's very fast-paced and exciting.

I think about Hiro Protagonist more that I ought to.

Thanks Ryan - this may very well be the most fascinating read I've had in quite a while.

Yes, I know it's a fruit, but what does that mean?

I've been bouncing an idea around in my head lately, about the differences between fruits and vegetables, and most importantly, how they are defined. It started off as a small question, "If a tomato is a fruit, because it has seeds, then why isn't a bell pepper a fruit too?" Nick and I started theorizing and somewhere in the past week we've decided that it has to do with the way in which pollination occurs, like if it's a flowering plant, and the fruit itself spreads the seeds (like an apple), or if it is a flowering plant wherein the bugs pollinate the flowers, creating new life.

Turns out we were wrong, but closer than I thought because we had some overlap between the culinary definition and the botanical definition.

According to wikipedia, fruits are the ripened ovary, together with the seeds of a flowering plant. Which basically means that most everything we eat is considered a fruit. However, according to culinary lingo, fruits are those fleshy bits that are sweet and tasty, like apples, pears and oranges.

The best part of the entire discovery was reading about vegetables, because it turns out there is no scientific value to the term vegetable.

"Vegetable is a culinary term. Its definition has no scientific value, and is somewhat arbitrary and subjective."

I was so confused about the difference(s) between the two that I almost looked it up last night at 3am when I couldn't sleep.

Now I can rest easily knowing that vegetable is an arbitrary term and essentially meaningless except in terms of deciding what I want for dinner.

Yahoo!

Married, consummated, and honeymooned, with some matriculation thrown in as well.

Phew.

Cruises are fun, but it's good to be home.

Thanks to everyone who helped out and showed up and basically were fantastic.

It was a beautiful day with beautiful weather and wonderful people.

P.S. It's a girl, same as my sister's.

When I'm sixty-four

Right at this very moment Nick and I are inventing and arranging our wedding music. I'm surprised at how much I've enjoyed planning this event with him and how much it will actually reflect our personalities. Although I am extremely excited and ecstatic, there is some amount of sadness surrounding the event.

A few weeks back my grandfather fell seriously ill and has been in and out of the hospital in an effort to prolong his inevitable death. My family, especially my grandma who has been married to him for 62 years, is having difficulty accepting this terrible loss.

My grandparents were not going to be able to attend my wedding because of my grandpa's health, and the distance that separates us. Yet even without their presence, this wedding has turned into a much needed family bonding event. In the most painful and tender moments I have realized how important my family is and how the smallest thing, like a new baby, or a niece who calls herself ZoePrincessPonytailChavez have healing power like a mysterious salve.

I'm starting my own family now, and I have never been so aware of what that means and the potential power it possesses. We are both losing our grandparents -- together. We are having a baby -- together. We are moving and getting new jobs -- together. Two individuals with separate goals and ideas are merging to create an intermingled, shared life with subtleties that are often intangible and indescribable.

It's exactly what I want it to be and more.