I swear, if my search results suggest that even one person found this site because of the words "underage girls" I'm going to vomit in my mouth a little bit.
No doubt it will happen.
Picture this:
A's game last night, weather is slightly overcast and windy. Cool. Cold even. A man, in his early-thirties is sitting on the end of a row of chairs, unshaven and wearing a white and green sweatshirt with black lycra gloves on his hands. Next to him looms a giant man, with glasses and a suede brown coat that seems too nice to make an appearance in the bleacher section of an A's game. Two girls sit under a blanket, cuddling and sharing stories, appearing only mildly interested in the baseball function, but acutely aware of their nachos. The group is in and out of their seats for the duration of the game, always coming back with more food.
The crowd is despondent as the A's are getting their asses kicked in such a way it physically hurts one to look at any of the three scoreboards.
One row in front of our heros is an obnoxious fat man who yells obscenities and generally provokes everyone in his section. He refuses to do the wave because he "has one beer in each hand". He's the kind of man you know smells terrible, like stale nacho cheese.
In the box office above, several young girls sit benefitting from the success of their fathers, laughing and tossing their hair.
The section directly to the left of the scruffy dark-haired man is begging the coliseum to participate in the wave. Nobody gives a shit. After many rounds of prodding, and name-calling, the wave moves around the coliseum and fans seem to be having fun.
The box office of young girls promptly hands out two large cheese pizzas to the fans who refused to give up on making the wave happen.
Wait, what?!
Our hero, Josh H., looks around wildly as though he didn't get enough to eat what with the super nachos (too spicy), the hotdogs, and the dessert ice cream cookie. The girls start making offerings of ice cream and he snaps to attention!
"Ice Cream?" he says in his best Scooby-Doo voice.
They toss him down a Ben and Jerry's frozen treat and although he offers to his friends, they are very sadly too full to put more food in their bodies.
As the foursome bails on the miserable performance of the A's*, the girls above make some mention to free peanuts. (I know, could it be more suitable for innuendo?) Again, Josh H. is on it, followed closely by man-in-glasses-with-nice-coat. Two bags of free peanuts later, the group scuttles out of the stadium.
I couldn't tell you what the ending score of the game was, only that we were losing by ten runs or more. Sad, sad day for the A's.
*Nick Swisher and Bobby Crosby both had decent performances last night, but that's about it.
