Dear paranoid young asian boy with the blue Honda,

If I have to hear your rude wailing car alarm go off one more time, I will be compelled to cause injury to your stupid blue Accord.

*Nobody* wants to steal your car that bad. Not Butters the cat, who rubs against the tires, not me, nor my trash bag that lightly brushes your trunk, and certainly not the hardworking garbage men who drive by the parking lot to pick up our trash.

Either tone down the sensitivity, or I will give you something to be sensitive about. I have a feeling that should someone actually try to steal your car, you wouldn't even come out and check because the wailing-buzzing-beeping-hooting-tooting-screeching noise comes and goes so many times in the same 24 hour period.