Now that I'm officially a Weeble Wobble with a medicine ball strapped to my belly

We are getting near the end of things here, one way or another, like it or not. I remember how just a few short weeks ago I would still wake up every morning having forgotten I was pregnant, thinking my tummy was soft, splendid, and relatively flat. Then, as I began the waddle to the bathroom I couldn't help but notice the growing buldge in the front.

Now that I am roughly the size of a small barge, I NEVER forget about the medicine ball inside me. When I roll from left to right and back again in the middle of the night, I get stuck. On my back. Like a turtle in the heat of summer, panting and gasping for breath since my lungs are being crushed under the weight of this child-thing inside of me.

When I try to get out of bed for my midnight pee, 3am pee, 5am pee, and 7am pee, I find that I can barely gain enough momentum to roll out of bed on my own. I know I look ridiculous and the only silver lining is that so far Nick pretends to sleep through the whole ordeal instead of pointing and laughing at me.

While awake I am physically assaulted by the thing inside of me, constantly bouncing on my bladder or punching my colon. I'm glad she is strong but my organs are starting to get annoyed.

The other day I was so frustrated with being pregnant that I tendered my resignation. I told Nick and Baby that it had been a nice time, but in six weeks I was done. Period.

Baby took me a lot more seriously than Nick did, and brought on some contractions that apparently are not *supposed* to hurt but actually feel like a very bad backache and uncomfortable PMS cramps.

I ended up in the Labor and Delivery ward just to make sure that I wasn't going into pre-term labor, but everything checked out fine and I told Baby to chill out since she's really not ready to come out here for at least a couple more weeks, preferrably longer.

Still having the contractions whenever I do anything, can barely shave my legs, wipe my butt, or regulate what used to be fairly normal bodily functions.