I don't know how it is that it got so bad ...

but I am a certifiable control freak. I think it's exacerbated by all the recent changes going on in my personal life, not to mention the freaky-weird things that occur normally from being pregnant, but I need a self help book (or five) to try and let go of the fact that I just can't control everything I want to.

I like for instance, that I can clean up the kitchen everyday. It makes me feel like I am creating order out of chaos in a universe filled (moreso lately) with elements beyond my control.

I like sticking to a routine, even though I also like having the flexbility to create something spontaneously. The hitch here is that I need to be the one with the spontaneous idea most of the time, otherwise it interferes with my precious routine that is strict and regimented to suit my needs.

I'm not nearly as bad as the organizational housewife who was on Wife Swap the other night, and frankly, I don't really care if you leave your socks bundled up in various places of the house - picking them up gives me a sense of control so it probably works out better for everyone involved.

You can imagine how I'm coping with the crazy influx of horomones then. Not. Very. Well. I get PMS but it's not rampant, I can recognize it, and oh, it only lasts two days. These pregnancy horomones never stop. Or they stop for two days and I feel rational and sane again, and then the slightest thing sets me off. Meanwhile I live with a man who is mostly sad that his pragmatic and rational wife has departed the apartment leaving him with a crazy, irrational, hypersensitive freak. So naturally, he laughs at me because it's all so damn silly. Normally I would probably laugh too, if I thought it was going to go away in two days, or... ever. But instead I just get huffy and want to cry some more because not only am I crazy, now I'm the slightly annoying, mostly-amusing crazy lady.

Baby, please come soon so I can return to normal.