The ways people own us.

Have you ever noticed that when you care about someone, like really care about someone, they claim part of you in such a way that they will always own it, no matter what happens in that relationship?

For instance, I was talking with Maren on the phone the other day about this spider that lived in my shower when I lived in Santa Cruz. A daddy long legs that I grew remarkably attached to. Even though Adam disliked spiders, he refused to kill it, because ultimately the spider left us alone and chilled way at the top of the shower and made me happy to see every day.

(I know, I'm gross, I like spiders so get over it already)

Anyway, this was seriously like a four month ordeal for me. I checked for this spider every day - and one day Adam thought he accidentally killed her. I was devastated.

I forgot all about this entire situation until Maren reminded me - this is one of the ways that I will claim her forever - I've changed the way she thinks about spiders.

But more importantly, it reminded me of a little ritual that Adam and I used to have where we would leave each other little messages in floss on the shower wall to each other.

I don't know who started it really, probably me, but after we'd floss our teeth, one of us would always leave some kind of a note to the other one with the floss, after it was rinsed off, of course.

It probably sounds weird and gross to you guys, but I don't really care - it was precious. Today I realized that no matter what, Adam owns that part of me.

And I like it.

I like that I've loved people enough that they can claim me in little ways - because I think that's important, although I find it difficult to be that open. Incidentally, Adam recently told me I need to be more open to love.

In just one week

my best friend in the whole world will be here.

And all the anxiety and stress and weirdness will be reduced tenfold.

And all the happiness and joy and goodness will be shared with someone who truly deserves it.

Maren, if you are out there, I cannot wait to see you.

Thanks for your support lately - it means so much to me.

But you already knew that - that's why you are my best friend. :)

Razorblades!

I flew Southwest tonight.

I packed a Gillette Mach 3 razor in my carry on.

They scanned it in the x-ray machine and still let me bring it on, razorblade and all.

But they still made me take my shoes off when walking through security.

Sheezo.

As acting manager (or co-driver)

it's important that I keep my skills up, so I'm practicing driving the fancy car today while Ryan is at work.

It is amazing.

So fast, and handles so well. It can rock a turn at 125mph, no brakes necessary. Such finesse and grace.

I'm in love with this car.

It's like my skis as a car.

Hot and light and fast.

I love it and I'm winning the baby races so we can get the $8000 Autobianchi to buy more stuff.

Yeah.

Days off with video games are so nice.

Lotus Elise 2004

Ryan and I have been playing a lot of GT4 this weekend, and after I recovered from what seems to be some mild food poisoning, we played enough to buy a Lotus Elise 2004 in metallic blue.

Here's what we do:

I'm the manager of our team because I can drive for crap. (Ryan can't drive very well either, but he's a lot better than me) So Ryan's the driver and I mostly yell at him and then tell him what to buy for the car. We go to the easy races to win cars and sell them to buy things like turbo charged engines, lighter seats, etc. Then we go to the real races to take an ass kicking.

We literally spent over an hour taking photos of my car that I will post later after Ryan uploads them to Knownick. It's hot. We bought very sexy hubcaps and a hot rear spoiler.

This car is loaded.

It's fine.

It needs to be driven.

The total cost so far is in excess of $60,000. I want it so bad. I need this car almost as much as it needs me.

Ryan keeps pointing out how if I buy one of these, (the 2005 of course) it will get ripped off in my ghetto-fabulous neighborhood faster than I can *say* Lotus Elise.

Damn.

It's like this one, but way hotter:

Out of milk again

but need the frosted flakes.

Actually, that's not even true. I did have milk - it just smelled funny because I bought it the same weekend I bought my new DVD player and miraculously could not finish it even though I did eat a box and a half of cereal in that time frame.

So tonight, as milk substitute I tried using some low-fat vanilla frozen yogurt that lives in my freezer for just such emergencies as it's kind of icky and I don't actually like it, mixed with some warm water to melt it.

This turned into a sort of semi-tepid skim milk concoction.

It sounds *a lot* worse than it actually tastes, but it's not really good either. I think I should get some rice milk or soy milk or something that you can store in the cupboard as a back up to regular milk, because clearly eliminating the 9:00pm Frosted Flakes from my diet just isn't going to happen.

Dental Patients

are demanding pricks.

They are rude and somehow think I "owe" them something based sheerly on the fact that I sit behind a desk at an office where they come to have their gums treated.

For my friends who go to the dentist (hopefully applies to all you) please be nice to the people who take care of your teeth. If they seem aloof, or even a little bit cold, it's probably because they are tired of rude, demanding, demeaning pricks telling them what to do all the time.

Just smile - that always breaks the ice with me.

And, thank you, from all health care professionals around.

Cool Water Cologne

is so very circa 1993. And I'd know, because I was dating a Marine (haha, I know) back then and he always wore it.

It's that pungent kind of smell that stays with you several blocks after you leave the Ford Explorer that dropped you off in the city.

Seriously boys, don't make the mistake of wearing this cheap stuff.

I'd rather you wear nothing at all and just smell like skin and soap and yourself.

Especially if your own smell is nice.

Yum.

Vacation

I just found this quote on Go Fug Yourself. Perfect sentiment, I think.

And I am taking more than one.

This weekend to San Diego and then the one to Hawaii. Yay.

"A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking"
- Earl Wilson

Aloha Maui!

I bought my ticket today!

Happy birthday to me. I will be in Maui for nine days. Perfect.

Nine days that I don't have to work.

Nine days that I can play in the sun and scuba dive and drink and think and relax.

I can hardly wait.

iNod

This should be Steve Jobs' next marketing campaign.

It's defined as the slight nod of approval that fellow iPodders give to each other while walking down the street and rockin' out.

I made it up tonight on my walk with Liz.

Every song is like a little present!

Before I had iPoddy, I wasn't so sure I would like something that didn't have a display for my tunes.

But I've found that instead of being annoyed at this feature (or lack thereof) I am constantly joyful at the surprise being delivered to my ears - a little present of melody and harmony, picked out *for* me, *by* me.

It's like I am giving myself pre-picked presents that are also surprises.

Genius, I tell you, fricken genius!

I love this new toy. I just may love it more than any other toy I've ever owned.

Skis excluded, obviously.

All these things I thought I didn't like...

like milk. (not enough to drink or anything)

And sour cream. (not enough to eat by itself like some people)

And shrimp.

(okay, I'm still totally grossed out by the bottom feeder thing with the shrimp, I just understand that it's irrational if the shrimp is de-veined, which, it always is if I'm gonna stick it in my mouth).

Everything else though? I don't know why I didn't like.

Because I'm weird and stubborn, I guess.

Thank you Jesse -

For getting me off my arse to schedule an appointment with a migraine specialist.

Here's to hoping.

You handle me well, which is more than I can say for most people.

'Specially where these damn headaches are concerned.

I love you.

iPoddy!

I've got myself an Ipod Shuffle!! And I love, love, love it!!

Of course, I've had a crappy headache the past three days so I haven't actually gotten a jog in, but that's okay, I've been watching SATC and loading music onto it. Already got 82 songs on it and I'm so excited!

Now I can keep jogging the lake except I can go faster and farther! Yahoo. Plus I will have more incentive to walk everywhere (okay, not that I need it - I only drive once a week or so) with my iPoddy!

I'm so excited. I can hardly think of anything more appealing than a very tiny iPod Shuffle with excellent music loaded on it. It's like a gift from Him! (By Him, I clearly mean God - we have a very personal relationship these days)

Resilience

This morning I half-assedly rinsed a spider down the bathroom sink after drinking some water to wash down my migraine meds. Not my typical hippy behavior, I know, but I was running late and too tired and selfish to bother with picking it up (without breaking its delicate legs) and moving it somewhere safer.

Took my shower, dried off and began my morning routine. Somewhere during the french braiding of my pretty pretty princess hair, I noticed the itsy bitsy spider climbing right back out of my sink - though it was struggling because its legs were wet. Intrigued, I watched for a minute.

Two steps forward, then he would fall back and catch himself on his web. Two steps forward --- going lateral now. Two steps forward, plumetting two inches.

I wondered if he was frustrated? Hell, *I* was frustrated and I was clean and dry.

Went back to my morning routine and within the next five to seven minutes that little spider was totally out and safe, climbing around my cotton pad container. I was proud that he'd evaded such a certain sewer death, and that his fierce tenacity had paid off.

Then I wondered if maybe I don't like to kill bugs because they secretly inspire me for reasons like this? When I feel setbacks and obstacles, it's hard to keep trying to climb out of a slippery basin, especially with wet, sticky legs. A lateral slide never feels like progress to me; when I have to use a web, or a network, to prevent me from falling, I can't rationalize it as movement in any forward direction.

So maybe these bugs have something figured out after all?

Or maybe I should have made that carpool guy drop me off at my normal spot so I could hit up my sweet Frau for her wonderful espresso instead of being caffiene free on this rainy day, and oh so tired?

A phone as an alarm clock,

and a best friend in a different time zone - lead to some very serious jumping out of bed issues around midnight at least once a week.

I need to fix this shit so I can start sleeping like a normal person.

I've just recently discovered

that my hair is long enough to put in a french braid.

I think I discovered this a week or so ago, but I'm not really sure. Although many of you may find this surprising, I love to braid hair. It was one of the few ways I played with my Barbies - braiding their long, pretty, blonde hair. Anyway, I've been practicing this every night lately since it feels like I haven't done it since junior high, and my braids were coming out very loose and sloppy. I couldn't remember which strand went on top of which one and since sometimes I do the reverse braid thing (I have no idea what that's called, but I bet Jen knows) my braids kept falling apart.

Now though they are getting tight and feel good. I like to sleep in a french braid because it keeps my hair out of my face and makes me feel clean and good.

Plus, if you shower late at night and don't want to feel all cold and icky, but have to rinse your head because your hair is dirty with two day old funk-ness in it, you can just braid it and you feel all warm and cozy again!

I remember the last time my hair was this long. I was in highschool. It was before the-stupid-man-whose-nickname-is-a-verb told me to cut it all off because he liked girls with short hair, and like any dumb girl in love I did everything he said.

*Sidenote - my room smells like vanilla frosting because of a candle I bought at Target. I'm not enjoying that smell although it does make me crave cupcakes.

Perpetually Distracted

By everything going on lately.

And none of it is even that exciting really. Today I'm at work alone, which is kind of nice, a good break, but very busy.

I'm gonna try to cook something new this weekend for Andrea's baby shower - it's some kind of baked pasta-pie cheesy thing. It looked really good on the food channel when I watched it all day a few Sundays ago. I'm excited too because it didn't even look hard. Of course, this means I have to brave the grocery store, some time this weekend, but hey, I'm a woman, I drove through a blizzard in fricken Nevada in the middle of the night. I can do anything, right?

Gonna hook up with an old friend tonight whom I haven't seen in a coupla years - he's recently engaged so this is very exciting for me. I'm very happy to reunite with him and swap stories and down a few pints! His missus is coming with us and from what I know of her she's very sweet and very cool. Plus, they live in my hood which makes it even better. Maybe tomorrow I can come to work with a rockstar hangover.

Yesterday I accidentally took a 5 hour nap and then I couldn't sleep for crap last night. Whoops. Was a damn good nap though. Had a dream that I got a kickass job and moved to Sacramento. Neat.

I want an IPOD Shuffle to run the lake with - I see people when I run that lake - fat people with their little music things and I am envious. I am not fat and I have no music. Maybe if I had music I would get fat?

I don't think so though.

Our stamp guy is here. We never buy anything from him. Ever. Bye, bye stamp guy.

That's it.

Hope everyone's Thursday is good.

Target is the best!

Jesse dragged me there this weekend and I decided I could go because while I can go without a microwave for two months, it turns out I *cannot* go without a DVD player for longer than a week.

So we hopped in the car to rectify my situation and to pick up various and sundry items that Jesse needed.

I ended up getting:

A stainless steel microwave that can scan food to decide how long it needs to cook it. (I'm not sure how this feature works exactly, but Kevan had a good time with it).

A DVD player/tuner/6 speaker surround sound thing that I barely know how to use. It can hold five discs and it opens like a venus fly trap - it's so cool! Right now, I'm watching The Simpsons and it's not in surround sound because I don't know how to set it up and as usual haven't read the manual yet. Maybe I'll do that when I finally get around to putting up the shelves in this place.

Two blue captain's camping chairs for my porch - they are probably enduring their first rain right now. Very nice to drink wine and play on my laptop outside.

A giant laundry hamper because I never do my laundry and need the additional hamper space.

Etc., etc., etc. It was a very successful trip to Target!

She wants kids - he doesn't ....

A friend of mine is about to get divorced. They've been married about five years, I think, and the whole thing is very sad. He's in his early thirties, already has a kid from a previous relationship and doesn't want anymore children.

She does.

It's turned out to be an insurmountable problem for them.

And I feel really bad because I know he really loves her, but how do you get to that place where you are filing for a divorce that you don't even want? Don't people discuss these things? Or do they just grow apart? Or hope they'll change their minds over time?

Hard to say I guess.

I'm sad he's going through this, but I am proud that he's sticking to his ideals and not compromising his values here - otherwise he'd eventually come to resent both his wife and his children.

Good luck, friend. Hang in there.