My Epiphany

Sometime last week, amid a torrent of dreams so frenetic and violent I only remember fractions of each one, I had a relatively pleasurable dream that gave me insight - into myself.

In my dream, Evan, Josh Homan, and I were training on a team to run 1100 miles over the course of several weeks, and as such we were training really hard. Josh was giving me pointers on how to maximize my endurance, what shoes to wear, and what stretches would work best for my muscles. I had to train hard every single weekend and I never had any time for myself or my friends, which made me extremely resentful of my training.

Yet even while I harbored this resentment, I pushed myself to do better. To run faster, to breathe harder, to excel. And a huge part of me loved my training, despite the fact I couldn't sip wine on the porch with Ericka and had to be in bed every night by 9:00. I was thrilled with my personal success and my determination to achieve my goal.

Then something happened. I awoke with an understanding I'd never had.

For whatever reason I will never be satisfied without pushing my limits; I will always seek a challenge, a new personal best. Along the way I will falter and complain because the reward does not come quickly enough.

The awareness this dream provided was helpful in that it gave me freedom of self. *I'm* the one who pursues these conquests, and *I'm* the one who should be proud of my achievements, yet instead my vision is clouded by my next undertaking.

It's time I embraced that facet of myself. My nature is such that I am restless and always seeking a new passion, however I must remember to pause, and recognize my hard work and ambition instead of feeling continually compelled to do more.

I need to work on savoring the moment.