Baptism

When I think of New Year's, I sort of equate it with baptism, minus the religious stuff.

I'm kind of into deadlines and knowing there is a finished product, so I guess that to have a definitive day where the year ends makes it feel like I can look back and see what I've accomplished in the past year. It feels good.

Last year I made some goals for myself on New Year's Eve ... I should check and see what kind of progress I've made. I also made the people who were with me write down there own goals inside my journal. I need to check it out and see what they've accomplished too.

I'll try to get some words in my journal from the peeps I'm spending this new year's with, but I bet the only people who will induldge me will be Evan and Ericka.

When I was young, my father always made me write down all my goals, for school, sports, whatever, and although I hated it at the time, now I have trouble functioning without having my life planned out in a way that's organized.

I like to see my major goals and mentally check them off. It helps me stay motivated and fulfilled.

So I'm heading up to Kirkwood tomorrow - should be fun even though I do not have proper ski attire and will most likely freeze my buttocks off. Or, I will breakdown and use the AMEX to get some cozy ski gear so my legs don't lock up like last time. We'll see. Right now the weather is reporting heavy snow, so probably I will buy warm stuff.

And drink toasty beverages to keep warm and sit under blankets with my friends and celebrate the passing of another year quietly. I can't wait.

I hope you all have a wonderful new year and are safe and happy with those you love.

Reconnecting:

In the past few months (and mainly in the past two weeks) I have reconnected with three people I haven't spoken to in at least two years. It's a big deal.


And it's also kind of weird that it's happened so recently - I wonder why. Is it the holdays? weird coincidence? my direction in life?

I have to wonder.

Some of us didn't leave on such good terms and so now it's a process of rebuildling. Although with others, it was like no time passed at all. Like we never even stopped talking.

Cool.

And this week I finished my first term back in school. yay me. I hope I get an A. Turns out everyone thought the final was hard, so I don't feel too bad now.

And I only have two more days of work until xmas break. yay.

Stupid Women

My friend has a hole in his heart because some woman that he used to love cheated on him repeatedly over a period of time while he was sleeping safe in their bed.

WTF Mate? Why do people do stuff like this, and how can they face their partner the next morning knowing that while they fucked their brains out their partner was innocently sleeping, probably dreaming about their great relationship?

I'm so angry.

Poor friend. I love you.

Dood I'm bored.

i have nothing to do today. my stinky inky co-worker is out today (yeah!) which means my job is altered for today.

That means i can't go downstairs and get a yummy coffee drink or get a delicious egg sandwich. (but i don't go downstairs for those because once they dropped food on the floor and still used it, *and they *alter their prices every time i'm in there).

i'm so bored.

if you are bored and you know me, email me .

please?

Gettin' my Crack on ...

with my chiropractor is awesome. My back has been in spasm for two weeks-ish and I've been doing everything I can to help it: ice/heat, comfy shoes, stretching, walks, light excercise, special rub stuff, muscle relaxants at night, etc.

I went in today and she gave me the second biggest crack of my life. I say second biggest because I can't honestly say I remember the biggest. And while it's still irritated, it's feeling somewhat better.

In addition, everytime I go I get this weird high feeling like all the blood has just been released into my body from the crack. (adjustment really) and it makes me feel kind of lightheaded and strange.

Point is, I really really like going to get my crack on.

He Responded

and that makes me happy.

he doesn't hate me, but he's pretty cautious about entering a friendship with me, which is understandable i guess.

i don't really know where this is going ... but i'm glad i initiated contact anyway otherwise i would have been wondering about it forever.

p.s. sam, where the heck are you? i'm starting to get irritated. just say hello or something.

Man I'm a Shit

Tonight I'm having one of those nights where I should be drunk to be so introspective, but instead I ate a little teeny tiny bit of ice cream after 9:00 and now I can't sleep so I'm up.

Pondering.

And reflecting.

Thinking about every mean thing I've ever done to a member of the opposite sex (or at least all the big ones I can remember right now), and I'm ashamed.

Since my reformation about 4.5 years ago it's been easy for me to forget what a bitch/bastard/hurtful person I am. I've slipped up a few times in between, but then came Evan and now I am pure as the pristine snow in the untouched parts of Canada. And when I forget I am startled to remember past behavior.

And it's not even like I was a dick to dicks ... nope ... I had all the nice ones pay for one really true and mightyful asshole. How unfair is that? Not ... but probably all too common.

So if you are some poor schmoe who fell for me a while back and I kind of toyed with your emotions ... well then ... i'm sorry. fortunately none of those people read my blog, or even speak to me much anymore. I try to avoid contact when I think my actions will be embarassing to me later.

Tonight though I had to write a letter to one of those people who suffered at the hand of my ill controlled emotions again and again and again. I guess this might make him a chump ... but it was easily my fault too for leading him on. And it's not like I didn't want him ... more like the circumstances were never right. You know ... I was dating the mighty mighty asshole. Then we were 3000 miles apart because he moved back home. Then we didn't speak for a few years cause he was too mad at me. Then he came to visit and I had just started seeing Evan and so I flirted madly but didn't let it get anywhere. Then he stopped talking to me. Again.

So I wrote to say, "hey - i really did like you, and even though it seemed like i was making it up i wasn't, but it never could go anywhere so i just shouldn't have lead you on in the first place".

And i'm not sure if that makes me better or worse, but i'm sending it out anyway because i figure he can't hate me more than he does.

right?

I am so rocking my paper

somebody spank me please because I should not be allowed to rock this hard.

Chop Suey Chop Suey Chop Suey Chop Suey Chop Suey