I came here to post on Fungus...

but I guess she took me off the list already, which is fine because I don't feel very good and I have nothing to report except that I got an A on my midterm for school. Bingo! I'm a smartypants.

I feel better now

So you can all quit worrying about me and my friend. She's made of hard rock and she can get through anything. I'm a true pansy compared to her. She's upset, but basically doing well given the circumstances. It doesn't help that she has such a horrible case of bronchitis she's on steroids either. I have to get ready for work now.

My friend's mom

died today.

I'm in shock. And I'm kind of depressed over it. We knew she wasn't doing well, and we knew she was on the way out, but I had no idea it would come so soon. My friend, of course, is overwhelmed with grief and guilt and all the other things that people probably feel when a parent dies. I'm not sure.

Also, she's an orphan. Her dad was accidentally killed by Kaiser about 10 years ago.

And I've been friends with her almost longer than anyone else - I just can't believe it happened. I thought we'd all be much older and better equipped (although probably not) to deal with stuff like this when our parents started dying. I guess not.

Yeah ... I guess I don't have a lot to say right now. Sorry to maul your buzz ... but who else am I going to talk to?

Snot

I have snot issues today. My wannabe cold finally got off its arse and made me sick. So I'm having equalizing issues in my ears, and my head is all congested but when I blow my nose nothing happens.

The drainage only wants to go to my tummy. And that makes me nauseous. So I have to keep eating to make myself feel better. I've already had oatmeal, what should I have now? I have lentil salad and yogurt, but whenever I have a cold I either want spicy Thai soup, chicken noodle soup, or pizza. Today I want pizza.

That's weird, isn't it?

The first time ever...

So it's been two whopping years with Evan as of yesterday. And for the first time ever I can honestly say I'm not malcontent, bored, or otherwise tired of this relationship. In fact, I can't believe two years has already passed. In some ways it feels like we've been together since forever, and in others it feels like we just started dating yesterday.

I guess time really does fly when you are having fun.

Well baby, I love you very much and I hope my blog makes you smile.

I'm out of control today!

No more soy chai for me.

Today in my carpool, I was in the car with a driver who was horribly annoying. Whenever he got under stress he would do this grunt-wheeze-clearing-his-throat-while-whispering thing. It drove me nuts, and it made me keep clearing my throat because I thought he couldn't.

Ew. I was very irritated with him.

And he drove like 39 mph over the bay bridge (thank you on board computer system). And he was overly cautious.

And he burped a smelly burp in the car and it smelled like yesterday's dinner. Gross!

bad man.

Keeping up to date ...

So here goes.

Succintly:

Got offered an internship that could lead to a kick ass job someday in Humboldt. Who knows what will happen. Either way I am going to take it just to get a change of pace.

School is fun, but tiring.

Work is okay. Going on salary soon. I'm stoked about that.

Have next friday off. wahoo!!

Evan is looking into new jobs.

Okay, now something real:

My friend Ericka took me up on a suggestion that I think just redefined virtual blogging. Kind of.

She let me (and will let others I assume) post on her blog, making it a unique kind of soundboard for people to vent, chat, whatever. Basically though, she's taken the independence out of the blog ... like instead of the blog being hers, she's offered her users a certain amount of control. We go there to post to each other, read her stuff, analyze poo poems, and blog. It's very cool because it's become something in between a chat room, but something much more than a typical blog. I think it's neat.

A Challenge

To Opus One. A reader from my friends blog.

Who are you anyway? You're probably that freaky Kurt boy who keeps stalking me and Ericka.

Wacko.

Anyway, here's the thing. All these stupid ass people thinking they can tell my friend what her blog should and shouldn't be about. What the hell?! It's not like you guys are putting yourselves out there or anything. Which admittedly is subject to change with Ericka's very interesting modification that allows her reader's to post, but still. I mean the woman keeps a vaguely interesting blog, she puts herself out there in a pretty real way, and tries to make it entertaining for ya'll.

Lighten up.

Or start your own blog and then see how difficult it is to actually maintain and write something, anything, that anyone gives a fuck about.

I know the people who read mine (I'd like a comments feature so I can get feedback, but ultimately I'm too lazy for that) do it because they know me and are interested in the random crap that spurts out of my highly evolved brain, but really no one cares.

I mean, really I don't even care. I just sit down and type whatever garbage comes out and hope that somewhere, somehow, someone reads it and gets a giggle once in a while.

Oh the pain!

And the blood.

Now, if you are a slightly intolerant or close minded man, you might not want to read the following. If, however, you are interested in pain and gore, read on my friend...

Tonight I waxed. My pubes. And yeah, it had been a while ... I ran out of wax, I got lazy, blah blah blah. And unfortunately I can't shave that area because it really irritates my skin. Yeah, what is up with that anyway? Skin that's too sensitive to shave, but not too sensitive to have the hair and the follicle ripped out??

So I get ready to wax. And I should have realized this was a bad situation when the wax container had a hole in it and I had to smell the awful smell of burnt plastic and wax. But no ...

So I waxed, and it started to bleed. A LOT. Like it was dripping down my hoo-hoo.

Anyway, I don't know why it bled so much - it never has before, even my very first time.

Well it looks darn good, but I just don't know about this .....


ahahaha. i made you guys go to two different blogs to read the same shit.

ahahahaha. suckers.

My underwear problem

I have a funny problem with my underwear. My funny problem with my underwear is that about once a month I will put them on inside out, backwards, or even sideways. (although the sideways thing only happened once) Now, that might not be so unusual, except that it takes me hours (sometimes until bedtime) to even notice they are on wrong.

today i noticed at 4:00pm that my underwear were inside out. now really .. how do i do it?

the sideways thing lasted until like 8pm, and yes, it felt a little bit funny, but they were thong and i guess it didn't really bug me too much because i noticed it at evan's house when i was getting ready to go out.

trust

very recently i had a so-called friend admit to me that our relationship does not hold the level of trust it should.

admittedly my feelings are hurt, and i am extremely angry. this is difficult to talk about because i don't really want to go into the specifics of everything - the backstory alone would take too much space. the people involved are aware - i think - and if they're not, well, i don't really care right at the moment. i'm not looking to confront people here, but this is something i have been thinking about non-stop since it happened. it kept me awake most of last night and i'm tired of being haunted by someone else's insecurities or misperceptions of me.

and here's the thing: i will deal with a lot of bullshit from people i love. several of you can attest to this; but TRUST is something i won't go without because no real relationship can exist without it. and because trust is so tenous and fragile, i can't trust someone knowing they don't/won't trust me.

this situation exists because someone chooses not to trust me, not because they can't. they simply don't want to. maybe it's fear, maybe they are not trustworthy themselves. i don't really know and i'm not really sure i care. i'm not willing to invest in someone who can't do the same for me.

i'd rather divorce them and throw around polite banter than get involved on a deeper emotional level. no relationship is worth continuing when one party stops trusting the other. i don't need some superficial aquaintance in my life when i have so many other *real* people who will invest in me, support me, and trust me.

the sad part for me is that i really like this person, even though we are very different, even though they are filled with flaws, even though we don't agree on many, many things. i've enjoyed pursuing this relationship and the challenges presented by this person. i've had to modify the way i normally interact with people attempting to cultivate some hollow relationship that never really mattered in the first place.

i'm just a little slow on the uptake.

so yes, for those of you who have no idea what i am talking about, just know that trust is essential for a relationship with me. i'm many, many things, and not all of them good, but i don't lie and i put myself out there in a very real and unprotected way. i present honest information about myself that doesn't always put me in the best light, because i would rather be unloved for who i really am than loved for something i'm not.