Matt Nathanson & Howie Day

I fell in love again last night, with matt nathanson.

Matt makes love to his guitar with his whole body and works up this film of sweat that is just so damn sexy. Then, while slightly arching his left eyebrow his voice will hit a note so beautiful it stuns you. In between songs, Matt is witty, quirky, dorky and hilarious. I swear if I wasn't dating Evan I'd try to get on Matt's shit. He's a hottie. What's so weird is that he is always complaining about girls having crushes on Matt Fish - his cellist, but I don't see how that is possible.

I mean, Matt Fish was completely awesome with his bling bling rings last night, and as always his cello playing was PHENOMENAL!!!!

Immediately after Matt made me fall in love, Howie Day gave a bittersweet performance that was, all in all, a huge disappointment.

Howie Day is by far one of the most musically talented artists I have ever seen. All he needs is his voice, a guitar with some modifiers, and his foot pedals to record and play his live feed back as he's singing/creating melodies.

It's incredible. In fact, the last time I saw Howie it was borderline mystical or religious - it was that good. When I first saw Howie he was super shy on stage and seemed to lack any real confidence, like he couldn't quite grasp why people were in love with his music. He would smile a little and kind of say, "hey" but he didn't talk and he looked awkward. It was endearing.

Now that he's signed with Epic records, he's been touring like the badass he once was and his stage presence is confident and relaxed. In terms of his on stage persona, it was great to see his progress even if I did miss the shy boy from a year and a half ago.

So this time he comes on with a band and sounds a lot like Creed or Live; it's not that this is so horrible, the music is actually good although the lyrics weren't as good as he's had in the past.

It's like Epic took everything about Howie Day that made him unique and gifted and transformed him into a regular rock-n-roll guy. Very disappointing. He finally gets on to do a solo and give some of his old school fans a show, and all he did was fuck around and sing about Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's not like I am against Pabst, but literally every song he sang (old or new) had a Pabst reference.

He played with his foot pedals, but mostly just made unstructured noise and had a good time amusing himself. I'm glad he is having fun on stage, but after he was done I felt like someone had been going down on me for two hours but never let me cum. He teased me horribly; everytime he was about to do something Howie worthy, or something really amazing and great, he would start fucking around again and singing about Pabst.

I think he was drunk.

and I was sad.

and that's all.

up to speed

why do so many major changes happen in the fall?

is it because humans have been systematically programmed through years of seasons changing (you know migrating to warmer climates back when we were nekkid and free), or trying to fatten up before times got really hard during the hunting season?

anyway, i start school next week. wow. i talked to my dad about it and all he could say was, "is that the best place you could be going?"

i mean come on. come on. will it ever be enough for that man? probably not until i outdo him tenfold and by then he will be dead so it will have been futile anyway.

one of my greatest friends ever (and when i say that, i mean it ... he's wunderbar and i have known him for ummm... 8 years i think) just broke up with his boyfriend this week. i'm sad for him, but also really happy because the match just wasn't right and J was always trying to make things work when they just aren't right.

this doesn't mean i condone just bailing on a relationship because it is tough, but their relationship was tough every day, all the time, and he worked his ass off. they went to counseling, they discussed, they reasoned, they argued, they understood (sometimes). and mostly it was J being dissatisfied and pouring every ounce of his precious soul into someone who just doesn't know how to love him the way he needs.

so J, since I'm pretty sure you don't read this blog, just know I love you and I know this situation is difficult at best, and stomping your heart into pulp at worst.

I love you.

...

another.

migraine.

god has chosen to smite me.

asshole.

Left Handed-ness

I just broke an old book of mine out today, called "The Lefthander's Guide to Life". After reading some of it, it does seem that I am destined to be plagued by weird and inexplicable things like migraines and insomnia.

Left handed people face a higher incidence of both insomnia and migraines, as well asn colitis, phobias and manic depression. Maybe it's because as a lefty I know I am doomed to die younger than I would if I were a righty (as much as 9 years on average!) and so I have to stay awake nights pondering the meaning of my shortened existence. Then I get stressed out realizing there is nothing I can do about the situation and then I get a headache or otherwise stress related ailment.

Also, Ericka, Nick is probably right that you will die of some bizarre accident, as lefties are more prone to that sort of thing.

sorry friend. :(

well, i didn't die ...

but the blog did.

after my last post the migraine came back and was finally relieved on Monday the 13th.

After numerous doctor's appointments and what not, I am being referred to a craniologist or something - someone who manipulates your spinal fluid based on very gentle manipulation. I kind of had some of it done yesterday and I am sore.

And, I clench my teeth. A lot. I got my jaw muscle massage and adjusted (and they massaged into my neck where the major muscle is) and it hurt. It does feel less tight, but I am sore.

Anyway, just wanted you all to know that aside from thinking I'd realized my fear about having a brain tumor, I'm doing well.

hurray.

i'm alive.

and taking my fat butt for a run! hurray.

Free time

did you ever notice the endless quantities of free time that you have when you stay home sick? Yesterday I was in bed for probably 20 out of 24 hours of the day so I didn't notice too much then, but today I got up at 10 and have been feeling extremely rested so I thought I would find something to do.

Turns out there really isn't a lot to do that utilizes brain power and since that makes my head throb I am extremely limited.

So I'm watching sex and the city season 2 for probably the 5th time. But that's when Steve enters the story and i have such a big crush on him.

and work keeps calling me to ask me computer questions that i can't remember the answers to since i have no visual frame of reference and even if i did it hurts my goddamn head too much to try.

so there. let me sleep and leave me alone.

sorry this stupid headache dominates the blog - but basically it dominates my life right now, so it's kind of like reality blog or something.

28 mg of morphine later

That sounds like a lot of morphine, and from what they told me in the ER it is a lot of morphine, however my head is still pounding from the stomach wrenching stabs of pain. It feels like my brain is trying to release white hot light through my left eye.

It sucks.

And all I can do is drugs - that's what everyone keeps telling me. Dope up and try to sleep it off.

My regular doctor is, of course, on vacation.

Eating some soup now and going back to bed where I can't feel the pain.

Mmmmm morphine ...

Migraines. Migraines are special headaches designed for special people like me. Mine are usually caused by the lack of curvature in my neck. For this reason I make sure I visit my excellent chiropractor about once every six weeks.

This time I let it go for about three months instead though because I was being a cheap bastard and saving all my money for Europe. Last week I started getting mild migraines (maybe just headaches, but persistent ones) and finally went to visit Dr. B to get my crack on.

The first day she cracked me I had a headache, but that happens a lot since the muscles get all out of whack and I fiugred that once the intial discomfort was past relief would be swift and just, so I waited. And waited.

and waited.

Nothing happened. I mean, my back felt a lot better, but my head still felt like it was in the invisble vice around my temples and eyeballs.

Yesterday it was so bad I felt like puking all day and I couldn't stand any light or sound. So I took my bad head to the ER and got some morphine stuck in my butt.

And it still didn't go away. So I got me another shot of morphine in my butt. Then, I very delicately floated out of the ER and went home.

Today the headache is back and I'm taking vicodin. Like one pill every 4 hours and I still have a motherfuckinggoddamn headache. I could barely tolerate people asking me questions all day at work today. So I finally left work at 2.

And took more drugs.

And I am itchy as fuck from the vicodin.

and oh so drowsy.

i think i'll take a nap now.

Onion and Coffee Breath =

love.

well, that is if you are me.

date night didn't go as planned last night. we didn't make it to the ice skating rink because we couldn't find parking in downtown berkeley and then the stupid taco bell was closed for maintenance.

so then it was after 7pm and the skating session started at 7:15 and we still hadn't eaten.

we scrapped that plan to my dismay (so far i have excellent ideas and poor follow through) and then had dinner at Mel's Diner , grabbed a coffee, and saw that new movie about Tuscany and the sun and Diane Lane.

Was good.

But during the movie Evan had the worst onion-coffee breath in the world. It was so horrible it made me laugh until I cried.

And that's when I knew I really loved him.